We tend to use the word trauma for everything—from the worst moments of our lives to the way those moments keep echoing years later—and that can make it really hard to understand what’s actually going on.

Yes, trauma can be things like combat, sexual violence, serious accidents, or first responder work where lives are on the line. But it can also be something you witnessed, something that happened to someone you love, or distress you’re repeatedly exposed to through your job. And then there’s the other side of it: how your brain and body respond afterward.

Not everyone who goes through the same event responds in the same way. For some people, their nervous system does exactly what it’s designed to do—cranks up the alarm system to keep them alive in the moment—and then gradually settles down. For others, that system gets stuck. They may not have the stereotypical ‘Hollywood flashbacks,’ but they’re dealing with intrusive memories, nightmares, feeling constantly on edge, or being thrown back into the past by a smell, a song, or a certain look on someone’s face.

What I really want people to know is this: struggling after trauma is not a weakness and it’s not a failure of willpower. Your brain is trying to protect you. Sometimes it just needs some help learning that you’re safe now. What happened to you counts, even if it doesn’t fit someone else’s idea of what ‘real’ trauma is—and there is real science, real tools, and real hope to help you move forward.